The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
