I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize