Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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