thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
