I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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