Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
