Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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