Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
