I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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