Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Michael Bay diarrhea
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
