Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
