i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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