I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize