Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
