I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
