non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
