I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
