i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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