You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
