I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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