if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
