she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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