How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
