I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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