its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Someone came in the potted fern
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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