I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
