does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
