My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
