I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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