I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
