never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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