i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
