u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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