Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
false alarm, still single
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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