so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
