Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I AM VODKA MAN
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
