And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I deserve this hangover.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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