I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
