i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
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Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao