Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My penis needs a shock collar
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?