Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
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I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
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My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making