I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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