I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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