I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
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Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
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I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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