dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
