WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
