My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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