Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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