I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
