WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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