New invention idea: vibrating tampons
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
