I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
