he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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