I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
