What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
