the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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