i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
