On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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