So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
