I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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