woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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