I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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