I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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