Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
