I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
