I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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