I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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