Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
