My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Randomize
