WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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