My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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