i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
